November 26

Let’s be perfectly imperfect!

Awena Naomie Ella

Why the trend of the 'instaperfect' 'instamum' is damaging to new mums.

Mamma! I wanna see those imperfections!

It’s so tempting to cruise through the day pretending we don’t have Weetabix in our hair, and sticky finger marks on our clothes.

We like to imagine we don’t have a mass of broken oat cakes in the bottom of our handbags that cling to our fingers every time we reach for our phone (yuuuuk).

Or admit we let our small humans watch endless cartoons on the iPad in bed just for an extra few minutes sleep in the morning.

Because admitting our imperfections would create cracks in our flawless ‘Disneymum’ lives, right?

But it’s not our fault we want to portray this image or be that mum.

We are constantly told how wonderful motherhood is by the pictures in the glossy magazines of celebrities and picture-perfect families showing us how clean and perfect we should be. And the movies make it look so easy!

Then there is the stream of beautifully presented images that we trawl through endlessly on social media late at night (admit it, you do this too).

Let’s face it, there isn’t exactly a mass of books to describe, advise or just to notify us of the possible realities of motherhood we might face; or that’s its normal to feel overwhelmed, or that it’s normal to feel conflicted, or that It’s normal to feel good and bad at the same time, to feel guilt, frustration, happiness, joy and overwhelming love all at the same time.

Instead, we feel this pressure to meet the expectations perpetuated by the media, that we then put on ourselves before we have even given birth!

Sounds crazy when you say this out loud don’t you think?

When you're pregnant, it’s all about the bump and then come the billions of questions about the baby.

 What’s its name?
Is it a boy or a girl?
Have you got everything you need like crib, nursey, buggy?
• How long to go?
 How much did she weigh?
Where did you have the birth?
How is feeding going?

Focus quickly shift to the needs of the baby, rather than the mother. So, we don’t really take the opportunity to say what’s really going on because the person asking you with a big glowing smile is expecting you to be a ray of shining perfection. So you are.

More importantly, we often don’t have the time to really sit with our emotions and adjust, it’s all go go go!

I have to admit, in my experience, it’s not so much about the woman who becomes a mother and relentlessly navigates her way around this new world of motherhood. Yet the focus is the baby.

But how about we flip that and just let it all Rip?.

How unbelievably relieving would it be to just let it all go and show our honest raw mother selves without a worry of what the other mums would think?

No judgment.

The thing is; when you do, that’s when you find your tribe. Your sisterhood. Your people who get you because they are you.

Don’t be afraid to be wonderfully open and get real. Be the inspiration.

Be brave amazing mamma.

Come join ‘The Connected Mother Collective’ we are waiting for you.

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The Connected Mother Collective is a super supportive FREE group on facebook. 

A safe, non-judgemental & empowering space for mums to talk openly and honestly about the daily juggle of motherhood.