Discovering my mother self and revealing her hidden superpower
So, why am I here now, talking to you, sharing my story?
Because I believe in the power of sharing, of open communication, honesty and compassion.
I have this deep love, empathy and respect for all mothers. Well, all women really, and men, and children and everyone in between.
But my passion lies with motherhood and facilitating personal growth and positive maternal mental health for mothers.
What led me to this place?
I kind of fell into my business from a series of events which lead me to where I am now. Although, this was no accident. Everything I have done in my life so far has led me here. I absolutely love being a mum to my incredible little boy.
He is my daily inspiration, and I love what our relationship has morphed into.
Sure, there are struggles – loads in fact – I’m human, and motherhood is hard.But I have found a way to make my life work for me.
It took me a long time to get to get here and I’ve experienced incredible difficulties with postnatal depression, loss of self and shattered expectations.
Let’s just say, I fell down the rabbit hole. But from this experience came something quite amazing.
Firstly, I knew I couldn’t be alone in feeling like this.
So, after going through a huge transformation myself I knew I needed to reach out to other mums who would be feeling just like I had felt.
Women just like you who feel startled by the unbelievable pressures and expectations of motherhood.
Women who want to re-build their confidence and want to be reacquainted with their old self while discovering their new self.
Women who want to know they are not alone, to feel normal, to feel understood and supported.
To feel connected and get connected with others alike.
Women exactly like you, who are interested to understand and learn more about who they are as they transition into motherhood and beyond.
I was ready to become a mother!
I was ten months into motherhood when I experienced a huge crash – a breakdown, I guess. By this point we had moved twice. I was existing on 4 hrs broken sleep a night, had no money and we were living in the attic of my mum’s house. Hummm, no wonder it all became too much!
I was tangled up with grief for the loss of my identity and old life, my freedom and independence. I wrestled with the lack of overwhelming love that I was ‘supposed’ to feel, and my expected natural ability to embrace motherhood with ease and contentment.
As you are fully aware, motherhood is painted as a beautiful thing, social media and glossy magazines tell us so. But for some the reality can be far from it. It certainly was for me.
The thing is, when you don’t live up to your preconceived expectations, you can feel crushed, like you’ve somehow let yourself down, you feel ashamed and guilty.
Unfortunately, these feelings are experienced by so many women.
So, I am on a mission to change the story.
Two days after we arrived home, I came out of my blurry post birth head and my entire physical and psychological being plummeted.
For weeks and months, I cried every day, I felt physically sick with regret, I dreaded the feeds and I hated doing it. I felt resentful he didn’t sleep.
"I never told the NHS because I was afraid, they would take him away."
The pinnacle of my breakdown was at a friend’s wedding. Funny (not so funny) story.
My husband was preoccupied with his best man duties, helping out with the event, while hobbling about with a broken foot.
So not quite the best time for me to fall head first into a major meltdown, but when is?
I remember being surrounded with well over a hundred wonderful friends in the most incredible setting. Yet, I felt so desperately alone.
I was running ragged from following my baby as he was crawling on the floor while trying to dodge broken glass and stop him from eating mangled scraps of food. I was unable to properly join in with any adult conversation. I couldn’t get involved with much dancing, eating the dinner, or in the wild laughter. Familiar with this feeling?
At that point, I basically couldn’t connect with anyone – not my baby, nor myself.
And that’s when it hit me.
It felt like I was living someone else’s life.
That’s when I had my meltdown.
Skip forward two months and I took this unbalanced and frazzled situation into my own hands. I began my own exploration of occupational wellness.
Through yoga, nutritional therapy and my commitment to my own personal growth, I finally found clarity and focus. I felt happy and alert and the quality of my sleep improved. Best of all I reclaimed my pre baby body, so I was feeling great!
Well, I lost most of the weight, and I have way more stretch marks now and a wobbly belly pouch, but hey, that’s what carrying a 10.4lb baby looks like and I can honestly say, I’m ok with that now.
I’m hot on mindfulness and I love doing my meditation and positive visualisations. I’ve always (although not always been in tune) had a connection to my spiritual side. So, I immediately tapped back into this. You know, the universe, manifestation, law of attraction stuff, it’s kinda my bag. And it really does work!
I started to allow myself snippets of time to focus on MY dreams and MY goals. And most importantly, I worked on my mindset and opened up to positive change. I saw this time in my life as an opportunity to be creative, to create a world I could really thrive in.
My BIG dream was to step up and provide for my family in the way I really wanted to. I wanted to feel satisfaction and achievement in doing something I really loved, something I was passionate about and that made me feel like me.
Guess what? I become a better mother for it because I had connected back to my creativity and my fun bubbly sparkly personality. I was excited and alive. I felt laughter running through my veins again.
I felt empowered, free, and inspired.
It’s OK to want more and I am totally fine with taking pleasure in doing something for me too.
It doesn’t make me a bad mum; it makes me a great mum because I have committed to growing and learning and teaching my boy the importance of self-exploration and self-love. I went through some very dark times before I reached my breakthrough and I rode a shit storm to get here. But I wouldn’t be here writing this if my storm had not come. And for that I’m eternally grateful.
“Sometimes we need our storm to clear the path for something new.”
I’m a different version of me now. I’m still me, but I’m a stronger me.
I’m telling you all this because I want to help YOU to feel more empowered too! So that you can feel confident to make positive choices, to create balance, and to make lasting positive change. In self-exploration you can build on your knowledge and your awareness of this incredible transition we call motherhood.
My heart grows every day, and I’m filled with excitement and inspiration for my future.
I want you to feel like this too.
You DESERVE to feel AMAZING, to harness your inner superwoman.
And now my mission is to make an impact on thousands of other almighty women.
Yet if I can help just one other mama to feel loved, respected, understood, confident, and enriched with new gusto and force, living a life she loves, then my job is done.
I am someone who sank deep yet recovered in the most nourishing and life affirming way!
I wanted to create something accessible and achievable for other women who feel just like I did.
So that’s exactly what I did!
And that was the birth of my Maternal Wellness business.
Designed by the mother for the mother.
Find out more about how my Six Pillars to Maternal Wellness can help you to feel reconnected, strong and empowered to be the woman and mother you know you deserve to be.